Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
