6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
