If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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