tell your sister to shave her snatch
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
