K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We had sex on a dog bed..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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