I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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