We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
