You smell like a Billy Joel song
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
