I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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