I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
