Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
