and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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