So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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