Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
