he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
