this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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