he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
