im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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