honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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