haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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