I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
