At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
