adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
