he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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