You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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