You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
