Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
