is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
