This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
