Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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