This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
