Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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