So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
