oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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