oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
