What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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