So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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