I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
