there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
