if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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