If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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