I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
