SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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