Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think we might need a safe word for this...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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