We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
