Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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