This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
