What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Vodka?
Forever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize