Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
