Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
