i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
