my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
