A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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