But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
