the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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