And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
