I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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