it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
