the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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