I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
