i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize