Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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