so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
