I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize