Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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