Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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