He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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