I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
