I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
