I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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