can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
