My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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