I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
