I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
