Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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