3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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