My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
