It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
