You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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